


there's no way i'm not afraid

by xiwangmu



Category: VERIVERY (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - War, M/M, a bit of angst, an ON au basically, dongheon being a Dad™, dw it's not sad i think, gyehyeon's in there for like a minute, too exists but i didn't mention them oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:40:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25925290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xiwangmu/pseuds/xiwangmu
Summary: The war left Dongheon with more scars than he'd ever imagined. Hoyoung might be just as battered as him, but they still manage to find solace through the darkness.
Relationships: Bae Hoyoung/Lee Dongheon
Comments: 11
Kudos: 54





	there's no way i'm not afraid

**Author's Note:**

> turns out the only fics i manage to finish are my mildly angsty ones ... rip
> 
> title from bts 'on' (obviously)

There were bullets raining down everywhere. Pain pelted Dongheon’s arms, legs, entire body, and he could no longer breathe without feeling flames tear across his entire body. But he had to keep moving, keep moving, because he had a team of kids with guns to take care of, kids who were lost and shouldn’t even be fighting in this ruthless, endless nightmare, kids who needed far more love than he had to give.

He wanted it to end so, so bad.

_CLICK._

Dongheon jerked up, heart leaping a thousand miles per hour as he wildly scanned his surroundings. Someone was here, someone who wasn’t supposed to be, someone that could be an intruder or enemy come to end everything he’d been fighting for and he needed to get rid of them before they could harm anyone else if they hadn’t already—

“Hyung! It’s me, hyung. Everything is okay.”

There were fingers wrapped around his arm, shaking it gently, and Dongheon gasped. His ears were still ringing, his throat still choked up, but the explosions soon melted away into a warm glow of light, dripping across his tent and illuminating the soft, familiar features floating over him.

“Are you okay, hyung?” Hoyoung asked, helping him sit up with careful hands. “You were yelling in your sleep.”

“Was I?” Dongheon mumbled, letting out a groan when the wound in his side suddenly decided to remind him of its existence. Hoyoung’s hold tightened ever so slightly, and Dongheon didn’t have to look to know there was worry painted across his face. “I just had a bad dream, that’s all.”

Hoyoung clicked his tongue. “Just a bad dream? You were so loud, even Yongseung woke up. And he’s on the other side of camp.”

Dongheon didn’t reply, staring instead at the cup of water Hoyoung pushed into his hands. Water was limited right now, he shouldn’t be wasting it so—

“Hyung, you need to drink. You’re burning up,” Hoyoung cut into his thoughts. “We can’t have you getting dehydrated now.”

Sighing, Dongheon tipped his head back and let the coolness wash down his throat, feeling the slightest bit of energy seep into his body. Immediately, Hoyoung refilled the small tin, urging him once more to drink. Once Dongheon had reluctantly obeyed, the younger hummed in approval, returning the canteen to the depths of their packs before fixing his attention on Dongheon again.

“See, better right? You need to start trusting me more,” Hoyoung scolded as he patted at Dongheon’s mess of hair. “How did we even get this far if you never listen to me.”

How did they manage to live this long, indeed. Every day for the past month had felt like a run from death, and Dongheon was near losing his mind trying to keep everyone safe. Or at least, in one piece. He couldn’t say much for their sanity— if he was out here having dreams from hell each night, it wouldn’t be too unbelievable for the kids to, as well.

One reason why his heart couldn’t stop aching.

“We’re almost there, though.” Dongheon tried to sound confident, but it just came out as tired. “A few more days, maybe a week at most, and we’ll be at the base. We’ll be safe.”

Hoyoung nodded, but his lips continued on in a stiff line. Dongheon wondered if he’d ever seen him genuinely smile. It must be a beautiful sight, knowing how Hoyoung already looked so— so ethereal, despite being constantly covered in dirt or sometimes, blood. This wasn’t the first time such a thought had crossed his mind, but it was definitely the first Dongheon had been able to fully savor the weight of its meaning. He was left flushing, fixing his eyes on anywhere other than Hoyoung’s face while hoping his own reddening cheeks wouldn’t be noticed in the dim light.

“I should go back out,” Hoyoung finally said after a long pause. “Still have two hours left on my shift.”

It should’ve been simple— let him go back and finish his duty, then rest until they had to move again. It should’ve gone how it always went.

Except, Dongheon felt somewhat selfish tonight.

Biting his lip, he willed his tongue to move just as Hoyoung reached for the tent flap. “Can you… can you stay? I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

Hoyoung stopped, turned, stared at him expressionlessly, and Dongheon instantly regretted having said anything. But before he could dismiss the idea, Hoyoung’s lips lifted into a soft smile. “If you really want, hyung.”

Mind blank, Dongheon watched dazedly as Hoyoung stuck his head out briefly, probably to call Gyehyeon over and ask him to cover, then turned back towards Dongheon with weary eyes, eyes that had seen too much too quickly, eyes that mirrored his own yet still held a spark he didn’t recognize.

Lying down besides him, the younger tugged at his arm and murmured, “Come on, hyung. Let’s sleep.”

Dongheon let himself fall back onto the thin canvas, the only thing separating him from the cold ground. Instead of closing his eyes and returning to the world where he couldn’t tell illusion apart from reality, he gazed at the man, the boy, less than a breath away from him— probably the most vulnerable they’ve ever been in all their years of training and combat together.

“Hyung, what did you do back home? Before the war,” Hoyoung whispered out of nowhere. He was facing the sky, but Dongheon had a feeling he knew he was being shamelessly stared at. “I don’t think I ever asked.”

It took him a moment to remember, to recall the life he once had. “I was studying to be an artist. Was halfway through art school before I got drafted.”

“That’s why you like doodling stuff on the maps.” The little scoff Hoyoung let out tickled Dongheon’s ears in a way that made him want to save the sound and play it on repeat over and over. “They’re really good, by the way. Those little portraits of all of us.”

“Haha, yeah,” Dongheon replied, immediately thinking about how that series started with a drawing of Hoyoung when the two of them were on guard, slightly bored and the situation slightly less despairing. He had pulled out a scrap piece of paper and a pencil he had found in his pack, and naturally began sketching the prettiest thing in sight. Only later did Dongheon realize that it was rather strange to be carrying around a drawing of only Hoyoung, so immediately added the other squad members in an attempt to make it less questionable. “It can be our family portrait.”

“We’re really a family now, huh?” The corner of Hoyoung’s lip quirked, and Dongheon wondered when did he ever start getting palpitations looking at this boy. “I like that. Two parents and a bunch of kids, it’s fitting.”

“Are we the parents?” Dongheon joked, only for Hoyoung to snort in response.

“No, you’re the baby along with Kangmin. Minchan and I do all the real work around here.”

Immediately, Dongheon felt a whine slip past his lips. “Excuse me, who’s the one that trained everyone with his bare hands?”

“Well, that’ll be you,” Hoyoung suddenly shifted so they were now facing each other, and Dongheon’s breath hitched at the sight of the smirk curling on his face. “But you’re also the neediest.”

“Stop messing with me,” Dongheon complained, childishly sticking out his bottom lip (probably further proving Hoyoung’s point). “You’re so mean.”

Chuckling, Hoyoung flicked playfully at Dongheon’s forehead. “Yeah, I am. That doesn’t mean I can take my eyes off of you, though.”

Now Dongheon was convinced his entire body had turned a bright shade of scarlet. Hoyoung probably hadn’t even meant anything beyond his lighthearted teasing, but of course his brain had to go turn it into something ridiculous. Praying the younger hadn’t seen anything through the darkness, Dongheon tried rolling away to hide his embarrassment, the conversation be damned.

Except, the entire world seemed to flip when Hoyoung caught his arm once more.

“Hyung,” he said softly, and Dongheon’s heart trembled. “Don’t go where I can’t see you.”

Frozen, Dongheon held his breath as he felt Hoyoung pull himself closer, closer, closing the distance between them until he was pressed against Dongheon’s back, face buried into his shoulder and hair tickling his neck.

“You’re warm. Nothing has felt warm lately.”

And Dongheon thought, _oh,_ this was probably what all those writers meant about wanting to give the entire world to someone.

Daring himself to move, Dongheon reached over and found Hoyoung’s hand, hesitating just a moment before gingerly lacing their fingers together. Hoyoung reacted immediately, giving a light squeeze as Dongheon rolled back over to fix his gaze upon him once again.

“Hey,” he finally heard himself say, unsure where the courage came from. “You’re warm too.”

“Am I?” Hoyoung was barely smiling, yet had a whole sea of stars swirling in his eyes, and Dongheon had never wanted to drown so badly.

“Yeah,” he breathed, “You’re like… the sun, you know? So warm, and… blinding.”

Hoyoung’s sharp exhale hit him right on the mouth, and it took a moment for Dongheon to realize he was laughing. “I didn’t know you were this poetic, hyung.”

“I’m serious though,” Dongheon pouted. “You give me so much hope. I don’t know why, but I just want to smile around you.”

Maybe it was just a trick of his imagination, just him being wishful, but he could’ve sworn Hoyoung blushed just as madly as he did several minutes ago.

“Sorry,” Hoyoung mumbled soon after, eyes shaking ever so slightly. “I’m just really anxious.”

Stroking a thumb over his skin, Dongheon quietly hoped it wasn’t because of him and his stupid mouth. “Don’t be.”

“It’s just— we’re going to make it out of this together, right?”

He sounded so small, so sad, and Dongheon’s heart twinged. “Of course. I’m not going to lose anyone here. You most of all.”

Even though this was the first time he said the words aloud, they both knew this had been a silent promise they made and kept to each other for years now. Time and time again Dongheon would find himself dodging death because of Hoyoung, and it was no doubt the same vice versa. Not that any pain and tears were spared, though Dongheon didn’t seem to mind if it meant he could be lying here holding the boy he’d sell his soul for in his arms.

Leaning in, Dongheon pressed his lips to Hoyoung’s forehead. “Trust me, okay?”

Hoyoung sighed, “Of course I trust you. Idiot. How could I not?”

Dongheon couldn’t stop smiling. Not even when Hoyoung eventually reminded him that he was still injured and should sleep, the nagger he was. But since Dongheon had never been able to win over petty things like this, he obeyed, curling closer so he could feel Hoyoung’s steady heartbeat drumming in beat with his own.

Just as he finally began drifting off, he heard one last hum of Hoyoung’s voice, low and sweet like honey.

“You’re a great leader to us, Dongheon. I hope you know that.”

In a few hours, just when the horizon began to glow of gold, Gyehyeon would pull open the tent to find them tangled together: Hoyoung’s head nestled against Dongheon’s neck, arms draped protectively over one another, fingers still interlocked like they were made to fit and never let go. He’d stare at the sight, unsure whether to wake them or not, and would only be forced to shake them apart when Yongseung came around reminding everyone to stay on schedule. For once, Hoyoung would be first to rise— something he’d hold over Dongheon for an unnecessarily long time— and look over Dongheon’s sleeping face in hopes of memorizing this fleeting wave of peace, before time came crashing down to sweep them back to the nonstop river of reality.

Later, as they’re leaving the site, Dongheon would throw an arm around Hoyoung’s shoulders, blowing a raspberry into his temple (and leaving a scandalizing Kangmin in their wake) before flashing a smug smile that Hoyoung could only roll his eyes at.

“Onwards?”

And Hoyoung would reply with a dazzling grin, “With you? Bring it on.”

**Author's Note:**

> clearly i don't read/watch enough stuff about war :') anyways pretend something serious was happening beyond this whole vague mess lol
> 
> heonibae are precious i love rap/dance line sm
> 
> comments and kudos are very much appreciated !!!
> 
> come yell with me about vrvr ships and aus on twitter [@yongsx3](https://twitter.com/yongsx3)


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